So, I fell off the blogging band wagon pretty swiftly like I kinda knew I would.. But, I’m back and more determined than ever to keep this baby afloat.
A lot has happened over the last year; some magical, some fucking horrendous.. I got engaged just over a year ago and life just felt lovely. But, with all the stress I endured in the years prior with my personal injury case and the injuries themselves, a whole heap of self-made pressure, going away a lot (I have crazy wanderlust, but holiday anxiety. FML), searching for a new pad for myself and himself, trying to move out.. I crashed and Hard.
I can honestly say, it was the scariest time in my life. I want what I write to help people, even if it just touches one soul, so I don’t mind sharing – I had a meltdown and was practically bed ridden for 2 weeks. We didn’t move out and the resulting guilt I felt over that plagued me for months, so much so that I kind of lost myself for a while. Not to mention my stomach issues (see previous sexy post about IBS) becoming pretty awful and serious over the last 4-5 months (I’ll go into that soon). I just coasted through life for a bit, pretending it was helping, until it all became too much.
I changed GP’s as my previous one kept fobbing me off with “just IBS” and have sought the help of a Naturopath to heal my crappy gut. I let the emotional/mental side take a back seat, but consciously, as I just didn’t have the money to sort the two out simultaneously and felt that a lot of my health anxiety issues would be somewhat eased by a healthier gut. It’s been a really tough, trying few months and there’s some form of challenge or struggle pretty much every day, but at least I’m trying, I’m helping myself.
I may not be loving every aspect of my life lately, I’ve been dealt some really shitty cards, but that doesn’t mean I’m a pessimist, that I don’t have good or amazing moments and that it’s all I think about. I would like to point out here though, that if it was all I thought about, if it’s all you think about, that does not make you any less worthy or any less magical. It does not define you.
I came into this year with the intention of taking care of myself and I feel I’m doing just that. To some it may look like I’m doing a whole lot of nothin’ and to be honest, at times it really has been just that; when you get so overwhelmed with all the shitty stuff that’s thrown at you and you just sort of shut down temporarily. But, if it feels right in the moment, then fuck it.
I’ve a heap of stuff to chat about, but it’s 1am and my eyeballs feel like I poured a bucket of sand into them.
Summing it all up – Pretty fucking rough year, but with sprinkles of pure magic and a dash of enlightenment here and there (even in the darkest times).
Be well, lovelies xo
2 thoughts on “Well, would you lookit who it is…”
I’m so glad you’re starting to feel better and working on getting better in all areas of your life. I can totally say I’ve been in that boat, and was earlier this year, and it’s not fun. Anxiety is so so so so awful. I was having panic attacks and felt so powerless. I’m working on getting better, too. One step at a time…
Ah, thank you Amanda, that means so much. Exactly, today is temporary x